And reality hits

These past couple of days have been...quite interesting to say the least. We are officially into the "pre-deployment" days. Blake is packing his bags and shipping containers to Afghanistan so they will be there when he arrives in a few, all-to-short months. While we still do not know an exact date, we know it will come around the end of April-beginning of May mark. And. I. Am. Not. Ready. I repeat. NOT. READY. AT. ALL.

The other day we got a card in the mail about life insurance. On him. Not me. At first I just set it down and didn't think too much about it. Then he began packing. And it hit me. Is this something we need? Am I seriously thinking about getting extra life insurance on my 22-year-old husband?

Unfortunately, I know all to well how fragile life is. My best friend died in a car wreck on a road he drove almost daily. While my now-husband was fighting a war in Iraq. It doesn't really matter where you are. However, a pending deployment to the Afghanistan-Pakistan border kind of makes you think twice about how fragile life really is.

And I hate it. I hate having to even entertain that thought. My husband is 22. He has children that he needs to make, family vacations to take, and anniversaries to celebrate. I hate deployments. I hate this point in the deployment process. I hate having to mentally prepare myself to be alone for a year, to figure out how to keep communication open when we're 7,000 miles apart, and mostly, I hate seeing him pack. Because packing always leads to leaving. And the only thing I hate more than packing is leaving. Goodbyes are not fun. Especially not deployment goodbyes.

And I hate thinking about the "what-if." What-ifs can ruin your life. However, they are necessary at times like this. These conversations about wills, life insurance, and funeral plans are, unfortunately, necessary. To be a military wife, you have to know how to prepare. And sadly, you have to be prepared for every possible situation. So how do you do it? You suck it up, tuck away your emotions, and have the conversation (without having a crazy emotional breakdown). And then you pray. Pray that you never, ever have to use that knowledge.

And for me? I hold onto-Eat, Sleep, and Breathe-Jeremiah 29:11. God has worked through us and our marriage to make us better people. He has given us blessings beyond compare and I know-I believe-that he is not done yet.



"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11