Telephone

When Blake & I were dating, we would spend hours on the phone. We would talk on the phone, then meet each other for a date, then talk to each other when we got home. We talked all the time. We would be on the phone for several hours each night. We would talk so long that the battery on the house phone would die, and then when we became old enough to get cell phones, we would talk until the phones became so hot we thought they would burst into flames at any given moment.

We talked about anything and everything. We would tell each other all about our days, talk about what funny things had happened to us, talk about the future, and we would talk about nothing. Sometimes our conversations got so boring that we would fall asleep on the phone together. And I don't mean that in the oh-thats-so-cute way, I mean that in the we had talked so long that we had nothing left to say and we would accidentally just fall asleep. Some times I would wake up at 2 am with my phone still attached to my ear.

I loved that about our relationship. If you know me at all, then you know I'm a talker. I love talking, and I love talking to anyone who would listen. And because Blake was wooing me at that point, he would listen. The longer we dated and especially once we got engaged, the less and less we talked mainly for the simple reason that we got really, really busy. And we had also run out of things to talk about. We still talked everyday, just for a shorter amount of time. Our conversations changed at this point too. Blake and I were living about 300 miles apart so when we talked, we mainly talked about each others' day, when we would see each other next, and we started making plans for our future.

Then we got married, and our communication pattern had to change once again. When you see everyone each day, there's not much need for phone calls. He still calls on his way home from PT to tell say good morning and to wish me a good day. I'll call him when I get off work and am heading to school just to check in. And then of course I call when I get out of school to let him know it's time to start cooking! :) But there is no need for an hour long conversation. Even when were both at home, we don't have hour long conversations. We still tell each other about our days and share funny stories and our frustrations from the day. We talk about what we want for dinner, what chores need to be done, finances, and what we want to do for the weekend. On the rare occasions, we get into deep conversations about our relationship, our future, and where we see ourselves in the next five years.

It seems like every time we get settled into a pattern, life switches on us again and we have to relearn how to do things all over again. And that is so true in the military. The second you get used to something, the military changes everything up. Deployments rear their ugly heads, and our communication pattern gets changed all over again. And that's what we're going through right now. When you're 7800 miles apart, your communication pattern has to changes or your just going to fall flat on your face. I have to admit, we've been falling flat on our face the past week and a half.

It just hasn't been easy for me, and I believe for him too, to transition into this deployment. It's been really hard. And today I realized why. We haven't been talking. I mean we talk almost every day, but there is a difference between telling each other about our day and actually talking. We talked for 40 minutes today. I was able to tell him about everything that has been frustrating me, about our lives in the past week, and about what is coming up. We talked about important stuff and things that aren't so important. It was like one of our high school conversations. Sometimes, I miss those conversations.

There's not much good that comes out of a deployment, but temporarily we get to turn back into those high school kids who were crazy about each other and could not get enough talking time in. And that is a great thing!

Deployments suck. There is no other way to put it. They suck. Stink is not a strong enough word, and suck barely meets the criteria. Things that would barely shake me before, are killing me now. I'm the only one here to deal with things, and I just did not expect it to be this difficult.

Everything that can go wrong, has. And everything that can stress me out, is. Gah! It's enough to make me scream. But then I'm afraid my neighbors would think I'm being murdered and call 911. Our apartment has really thin walls. Really, really thin walls. Actually, I think they've gotten thinner since Blake left. I'm pretty sure I didn't hear all this noise before...but maybe that's just cause Blake was louder than them.

Moving on. On Thursday, I was all set to head to school and then head home to Indiana for the weekend. One of my good friends was getting married on Friday night and I was really excited to come home and watch them say "I do." And then there was a noise. And it was a loud noise. I am no car mechanic-heck, I barely know how to pop the hood so I did the only thing I knew how to do. Called my Dad. Who is 240 miles away at this point. He didn't know what it was, and it went away so he figured it wasn't anything too bad. So then I did the second thing I knew how to do. I bought the best package AAA has. I figured if I had any problem on the road home, then I could call them. And they would give me a rental car so I could get home.

I went to class and found out my professor was sick, and did the most logical thing a graduate student could do. Skipped class. I was headed home an hour and half early and I was psyched. Until I got outside. My car was leaking something red. I figured I would start driving anyways cause if it was something horrible I would know pretty quickly. Turns out I was right. Pretty quickly I realized that it was my power steering fluid, and I had no power steering. I stopped at O'Reilly's because in my opinion, they should know everything about cars.

They informed me that, because my fluid was "spurting" that my car could catch on fire! In other words I was stranded. And apparently, AAA doesn't kick in for another 3 days. They would however, tow me 5 miles for free and then charge me $5/a mile after that. Meaning that it would cost me $300 to tow my car from Bowling Green to Clarksville. After an hour and a half of people trying to help me and talking on the phone to everyone in the world, finally someone looked at my car and realized that oh ya, it's not spurting anymore. It's just leaking out onto the ground. I.E. I could have kept on driving and been half way home. Ugh.

I hate car problems. Especially when my husband is out of the country and I don't know another man within 120 miles. I don't deal with car problems. That's my husband's job or my dad's job. Unfortunately for my father, it has now become his job. I hate having stress in my life, and I hate feeling helpless. That is just what happens when your a woman and your car breaks down hours away from all of your family. I felt totally helpless sitting in the parking lot, not knowing how I was going to get home that night.

Although it turned out alright, it brought up the realization for the first time that I am on my own. This year is going to be long, and it's going to be a learning experience. I'm just hoping I don't have to relive that learning experience again. Lesson learned: purchase AAA long before you actually need it.