And it is finally here

I have been trying to find the words to write this entry for several days now, and I just haven't been able to do it. It's really hard to find the words to describe one of the hardest days of my life. And it wasn't just one day, it was THREE! Because the Army hates me.

On Wednesday, we went out to breakfast with Blake's parents, siblings, aunt & uncle, cousin, and grandparents. Every time he deploys, we have to have breakfast together as a family at Cracker Barrel. So we followed tradition and all gathered for one last meal with him. We sat and chatted and laughed and told stories and cried. More specifically, I cried. I kept having to escape to the bathroom so I wouldn't start a chain reaction.

But this was nothing new to Blake, I had spent the morning crying. I woke up with knots in my stomach knowing that I had to say goodbye into him for a year. And then I cried. And he held me. And I stopped crying for about 5 seconds and then started again. It was a viscous cycle. But eventually I stopped long enough to get out of bed and get myself ready for the day.

So anyways. We had to say goodbye to his grandparents after breakfast, because they had a long drive ahead of them. Blake and his Grandma are very close and it's always an emotional goodbye, but what killed me, was when his Grandpa started to cry. I just can't take it when stoic men cry.

And then we left for the base. It was the worst car ride of my life. Every mile we drove took us closer to the place where I had to leave my best friend. By the time we got there, I was bawling like a baby. Blake couldn't even look at me. I was a crying mess. Mascara down my face, eyes as swollen as they could get, and a runny nose. Just the way I wanted him to see me before he left for a year.

I never imagined letting him go would be as hard and as painful as it was. Second to losing my best friend, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I can't even describe what it is like to watch the love of your life walk away, knowing that he will 7800 miles away and will not return for a year.

But then he was back in 5 hours. There plane broke down, and then Army was nice enough to let us know that we would have to repeat this day everyday until they finally got a plane. But that didn't happen. We were told a few hours after that they would fly out on Friday. So Friday, we began to repeat the process. Going out to breakfast, taking pictures, watching him pack, and driving back to post. And then...we get a text. No plane again.

At this point, I was very frustrated. Not that he wasn't leaving, because as far as I was concerned, they could just not leave at all. But I was very frustrated because I just wanted to know when this was going to end. I wanted to know when the knot in my stomach could go away. And when I could begin living my life again. At this point, I hadn't been to work in a week, hadn't gone to school in two weeks, and had piles of homework left to do.

On Friday, we found out that they would be leaving on Sunday. We spent the rest of the weekend eating, watching movies, and being bums. Which was the perfect way to spend our last weekend together. On Sunday, I repeated Wednesday just with a little less tears. It was still incredibly hard to say goodbye to him. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want him to leave.

Goodbyes are never easy, and they're even harder when it's someone who has invaded every part of your life. I couldn't have imagined on my wedding day how big of an impact he would have on my life or how much more I would love him. These made this goodbye extra hard. But it's also what will make this deployment easy. Because of how much I love him and how much he means to me, this deployment will be a breeze. Anything is possible when you're doing it for someone you love.