What a Weekend

This weekend kicked my ass. I was going to say butt, but then that wouldn't emphasize how much this weekend sucked. This kind of weekend calls for strong words. Let me just get into it.

Friday night I was skyping with my husband when I got this horrible stomach ache. I mean bad. I even had to leave our conversation for a few minutes because I thought I was going to vomit. I never did, but I was so nauseous it was hard to get comfortable. I have all sorts of GI problems, and I thought that it was just some really bad heartburn. I took all of the meds I have for this sort of thing, and decided to sleep it off.

The next morning, I realized that my plan of action didn't help much so I took all my meds again and headed off for my Saturday morning class. The pain changed from achy and burning to intense cramps that came in waves. Normally my GI issues cause me to have lower abdomen pain, but this was different. The pain was focused under my ribcage and in my upper stomach area. Nothing was bringing me relief.

I like to think that I have a pretty high pain tolerance, and I can normally tough things out but by the time this thing had lasted for 24 hours, I was crying. Literally bawling my eyes out. Part of it was frustration, some of it was due to feeling helpless, but most of it was because I was in so much pain and I just wanted it to end. So I decided to head to the ER.

There is nothing more scary than heading to the ER by yourself. I'm sure I could have called a few women who would have came with me if I needed it, but I really didn't want to bother them. They all have kids and there was no reason they should be out all night with me. All I wanted was my husband home...home to take care of me and sit in the waiting room with me while I waited. Thanks to deployments, there was only 2 doctors working that night and some stupid life-or-death emergency came in making my wait 3.5 hours long! I sat there in serious pain, ready to cry again, and all I wanted to do was go home.

The doctor finally came in to see me around 11:30 pm, and they started an IV filling me with all sorts of good drugs that were supposed to help. I laid there...by myself...exhausted and hurting and not getting any relief from that damn IV. Finally they came in and gave me a GI cocktail. If you don't know what that is, let me tell you it became my new best friend that night. It is a drink full of about three drugs and lidocaine. It numbs your entire GI tract bringing instant relief. After about 27+ hours of pain, I was finally feeling better. And so I slept until the doctor came back in to release me.

Turns out all of my enzymes came back normal so thats a good thing, but it means that I was suffering from gastritis or an ulcer. Unfortunately, I think it is the latter. My stomach is feeling very tender and I'm terrified to eat anything! Bland food is all I can eat without my stomach trying to murder me. I'm headed to my regular doctor in an hour to see what they can do for me.

Too bad my weekend didn't end there though. I was released from the hospital around 1 am, and my phone was completely dead. I plugged it into my charger as I headed home and it was broke. It would not move past the initial screen. I knew my parents were probably freaking out because they couldn't get ahold of me and I half expected to wake up Sunday morning with them standing on my front porch (I live close to 300 miles away from them).

By the time Verizon fixed my phone and I got in touch with my Mom, I found out that I was close to right. That morning she was asking my Dad if they needed to head down to check on me. She was afraid they had admitted me and I would need someone to come take care of me. I am so lucky to have a Mom who cares enough to jump in the car and drive 300 miles just to check on me.

But anyways, that was my weekend. Last night it snowed here in Tennessee, and these people act like they have no clue what to do when that happens so school is cancelled for the day. That has to be my favorite thing about working in the school system. Hope all of you had a better weekend than I did!

Oh my...it's been a while. About a week after my last post, I packed up my stuff and moved back into my parents house for the summer. In my program, I have the freedom to take a summer internship anywhere within the United States. Our classes are held online this summer, and I took the opportunity to spend a few weeks back home with my family. Since Blake is deployed, being at home with my family is about the best place to be. And it helps the time go by quickly because I stay pretty busy!

These last five weeks have been full of learning and growing opportunities. This deployment has been slightly different than the last one, but I expected that. During this past week, Blake's company experienced their first casualty of the deployment. Blake had informed about it around 8 that morning, and my heart instantly went out to his family. That is a tragedy I hope to never experience.

The news of a casualty made me realize that he is actually in a dangerous place. Sometimes it's easy to just think he's somewhere around the world sitting in a shop and working on trucks. It's easy to forget about the danger when nothing is going on. I hate being reminded that it is dangerous. Quite honestly, if you constantly thought about dangerous it is, you would go insane.

Nothing in life is guaranteed. Nobody knows what will happen tomorrow, and that is true for everyone-not just soldiers in war zones. You have to live everyday you have to the fullest. That means I make most out of every second I get with Blake...even if those moments come via a phone call. Because no amount of worrying or talking about the dangers will change what happens tomorrow or the next day or even in the next year. I put faith in God, and know that he has the best plan in mind. Everything happens for a reason even if we don't understand it.

Deployments suck. There is no other way to put it. They suck. Stink is not a strong enough word, and suck barely meets the criteria. Things that would barely shake me before, are killing me now. I'm the only one here to deal with things, and I just did not expect it to be this difficult.

Everything that can go wrong, has. And everything that can stress me out, is. Gah! It's enough to make me scream. But then I'm afraid my neighbors would think I'm being murdered and call 911. Our apartment has really thin walls. Really, really thin walls. Actually, I think they've gotten thinner since Blake left. I'm pretty sure I didn't hear all this noise before...but maybe that's just cause Blake was louder than them.

Moving on. On Thursday, I was all set to head to school and then head home to Indiana for the weekend. One of my good friends was getting married on Friday night and I was really excited to come home and watch them say "I do." And then there was a noise. And it was a loud noise. I am no car mechanic-heck, I barely know how to pop the hood so I did the only thing I knew how to do. Called my Dad. Who is 240 miles away at this point. He didn't know what it was, and it went away so he figured it wasn't anything too bad. So then I did the second thing I knew how to do. I bought the best package AAA has. I figured if I had any problem on the road home, then I could call them. And they would give me a rental car so I could get home.

I went to class and found out my professor was sick, and did the most logical thing a graduate student could do. Skipped class. I was headed home an hour and half early and I was psyched. Until I got outside. My car was leaking something red. I figured I would start driving anyways cause if it was something horrible I would know pretty quickly. Turns out I was right. Pretty quickly I realized that it was my power steering fluid, and I had no power steering. I stopped at O'Reilly's because in my opinion, they should know everything about cars.

They informed me that, because my fluid was "spurting" that my car could catch on fire! In other words I was stranded. And apparently, AAA doesn't kick in for another 3 days. They would however, tow me 5 miles for free and then charge me $5/a mile after that. Meaning that it would cost me $300 to tow my car from Bowling Green to Clarksville. After an hour and a half of people trying to help me and talking on the phone to everyone in the world, finally someone looked at my car and realized that oh ya, it's not spurting anymore. It's just leaking out onto the ground. I.E. I could have kept on driving and been half way home. Ugh.

I hate car problems. Especially when my husband is out of the country and I don't know another man within 120 miles. I don't deal with car problems. That's my husband's job or my dad's job. Unfortunately for my father, it has now become his job. I hate having stress in my life, and I hate feeling helpless. That is just what happens when your a woman and your car breaks down hours away from all of your family. I felt totally helpless sitting in the parking lot, not knowing how I was going to get home that night.

Although it turned out alright, it brought up the realization for the first time that I am on my own. This year is going to be long, and it's going to be a learning experience. I'm just hoping I don't have to relive that learning experience again. Lesson learned: purchase AAA long before you actually need it.

And it is finally here

I have been trying to find the words to write this entry for several days now, and I just haven't been able to do it. It's really hard to find the words to describe one of the hardest days of my life. And it wasn't just one day, it was THREE! Because the Army hates me.

On Wednesday, we went out to breakfast with Blake's parents, siblings, aunt & uncle, cousin, and grandparents. Every time he deploys, we have to have breakfast together as a family at Cracker Barrel. So we followed tradition and all gathered for one last meal with him. We sat and chatted and laughed and told stories and cried. More specifically, I cried. I kept having to escape to the bathroom so I wouldn't start a chain reaction.

But this was nothing new to Blake, I had spent the morning crying. I woke up with knots in my stomach knowing that I had to say goodbye into him for a year. And then I cried. And he held me. And I stopped crying for about 5 seconds and then started again. It was a viscous cycle. But eventually I stopped long enough to get out of bed and get myself ready for the day.

So anyways. We had to say goodbye to his grandparents after breakfast, because they had a long drive ahead of them. Blake and his Grandma are very close and it's always an emotional goodbye, but what killed me, was when his Grandpa started to cry. I just can't take it when stoic men cry.

And then we left for the base. It was the worst car ride of my life. Every mile we drove took us closer to the place where I had to leave my best friend. By the time we got there, I was bawling like a baby. Blake couldn't even look at me. I was a crying mess. Mascara down my face, eyes as swollen as they could get, and a runny nose. Just the way I wanted him to see me before he left for a year.

I never imagined letting him go would be as hard and as painful as it was. Second to losing my best friend, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I can't even describe what it is like to watch the love of your life walk away, knowing that he will 7800 miles away and will not return for a year.

But then he was back in 5 hours. There plane broke down, and then Army was nice enough to let us know that we would have to repeat this day everyday until they finally got a plane. But that didn't happen. We were told a few hours after that they would fly out on Friday. So Friday, we began to repeat the process. Going out to breakfast, taking pictures, watching him pack, and driving back to post. And then...we get a text. No plane again.

At this point, I was very frustrated. Not that he wasn't leaving, because as far as I was concerned, they could just not leave at all. But I was very frustrated because I just wanted to know when this was going to end. I wanted to know when the knot in my stomach could go away. And when I could begin living my life again. At this point, I hadn't been to work in a week, hadn't gone to school in two weeks, and had piles of homework left to do.

On Friday, we found out that they would be leaving on Sunday. We spent the rest of the weekend eating, watching movies, and being bums. Which was the perfect way to spend our last weekend together. On Sunday, I repeated Wednesday just with a little less tears. It was still incredibly hard to say goodbye to him. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want him to leave.

Goodbyes are never easy, and they're even harder when it's someone who has invaded every part of your life. I couldn't have imagined on my wedding day how big of an impact he would have on my life or how much more I would love him. These made this goodbye extra hard. But it's also what will make this deployment easy. Because of how much I love him and how much he means to me, this deployment will be a breeze. Anything is possible when you're doing it for someone you love.

Learning to Dance in the Rain

We are 4 days away from the deployment, and I am really feeling it. I'm just not ready, but then again, I don't think I will ever be. No matter how many times I will have to do this, I don't think I will ever be ready to send him half way around the world. Nothing can prepare you for this, but that doesn't mean I haven't been trying.

This quote has been my motto for the last 6 weeks as I've been preparing for this deployment: "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." I'm living, breathing, and eating that motto right now. I'm trying to dance in this rainstorm we are in right now.

It's just not a fun time for us right now. All I can think about is the deployment, and thats the last thing Blake wants to think about. I'm the type of person who needs to talk about something until I'm blue in the face, and that's not exactly Blake's style. He's a very stoic man, and while I know this is hard for him too, he just doesn't show it much.

We're learning to find the little positives in our situation. Our relationship grew by leaps and bounds during the last deployment, and we are looking forward to that. Being apart for a year, adds depth and maturity to a relationship in a way no other experience can. You learn new things about your spouse, learn to let things go, and learn how to keep communication open in new ways. I have been able to appreciate Blake in a thousand new ways due to our previous deployment and to preparing for another deployment.

While this year seems like it's going to last forever, I know it's only a minuscule amount of time when compared to the rest of our lives. I'm ready to jump into this deployment, because there is no other way. You don't get to dip your toes into it to see if your ready to get in, you don't get to ease into, you just have to jump cannonball style into it. And that's what we are getting ready to do.

Top Ten Reasons He CAN Deploy

10. I might be able to have a sheet set for more than a month. I feel I need to explain. My husband has some sort of special ability to rip sheets. Somehow, in his sleep, he pulls the fitted sheet off and then when he goes to put it back on before he goes to bed, he rips it. In the corner. Two sheet sets in two months is more than enough.

9. Because I will have a 1000x less laundry to do. I'm not sure how he does it, but he goes through more clothes, towels, and anything else that needs to be washed than anyone I know.

8. I will get run of the TV. The hubs is addicted to the TV. If we go to a restaurant and there is a TV within eye-shot, he is watching it. When we're home, he's watching it. And typically not the shows I want to watch. We have our shows that we watch, but the rest of the time, we're watching food shows, car shows, and war shows. I have to say, a year break from those shows sounds pretty good to me.

7. The amount of clutter in my house will be significantly reduced. Blake and I have accumulated ALOT of clutter in our short 9 months of marriage, but OUR clutter does not even compare to HIS clutter. Or more specifically, ARMY clutter. They give him way too much stuff and it all ends in my spare bedroom. It looks like the Army puked in my spare bedroom.

6. There will be no toothpaste residue left in my sink. Enough said.

5. I will have entire run of the bed. See previous blog entry titled "Issues" for more information.

4. I get his phone. I hate my phone and I haven't even had it for a year. And because my husband is oh-so-wonderful, he is letting me use his cell phone. This is a wonderful thing because I can't express enough my hatred for my phone. And also because his has this cool coloring pad thing.

3. Because it means I get to mooch off my parents for a little while longer. I am spending the summer in Indiana to complete an externship, and it'll be fun to get to spend some time with my parents. Typically if you move back home when your married, it's not a good thing. But for a military wife, it's the GREATEST thing. There is no better place to be than with family when your husband is 7,800 miles away in a warzone.

2. A year without snoring doesn't sound too bad to me! I'm constantly hitting him or kicking him or telling him to roll over or attempting to suffocate him with the pillow (just kidding to the last one). He does not have a bad snore, but it's just this quiet, breathy snore that drives me INSANE when I am having trouble sleeping.

1. And lastly, because I will actually get homework done in advance. It seems like I never get anything done when he is around. He always has something he wants to do, places he wants to go, and I never get anything done. I'm always doing it at the last second. Now, I wont have any excuse to slack on homework.

Top Ten Reasons Why My Husband Can't Deploy

10. I'm not going to have a good reason to skip classes anymore.

9. Whining will not be the same when I'm the only one around to hear it. And according to Blake, I whine quite a bit :)

8. Who's going to spoil me?

7. I will be the only one here to clean my house. And that's not good for me... or the house.

6. I won't have anyone to blame for my messy house. And I refuse to admit that I'm the messy one in this relationship.

5. Who am I going to make fun of on a daily basis?

4. Every night I hear noises downstairs, and I am not qualified to go check them out. So this year will consist of me hiding under my covers thinking someone is outside of my bedroom door.

3. I lose everything, and I always find a way to blame it on him. Whether it's my debit card, keys, cell phones, or wedding set. And I refuse to admit that it's my fault.

2. The mail lady will hate me because I always forget to check the mail.

1. I'm actually going to have to be responsible for feeding myself-something else I am not qualified to do. I think I've cooked about 10 meals since I got married thanks to my chef of a husband. And I am fairly certain I will starve to death during this deployment.

Oops

Oh My! It has been a while. Life has picked up a lot in the past few weeks, and it seems like we have been running nonstop. My parent's visited last weekend, we made this date weekend, and I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get all of my homework assignments done. I feel like I've crammed a years worth of stuff into a week and a half.

And basically, I have. Blake deploys in 9 days. I've been trying to spend as much time together as possible and to do as much stuff as we can. I didn't think this deployment would sneak up on me like it has, but it sure did. It seems like just yesterday he came home and told me that he would be leaving in 6 weeks. Unfortunately, it's just a week and a few days away.

This deployment has taken it's toll on us and it hasn't even begun yet. My reaction to this one is drastically different than it was last time. During the first deployment, I sort of denied it was going to happen. It just felt like it would never come. Even the day of, I still felt like by some chance miracle, he wouldn't have to go. But that is not my approach this time. I know it's coming. I know he is leaving. There is nothing I can do (short of running him over with my car and I don't think he would appreciate that) that will stop him from leaving the United States in 9 days. Even though I'm not in denial this time, it doesn't mean I'm handling it much better.

I've been a bit difficult to live with lately. It seems like everything he does drives me insane. And when he drives me insane, I get cranky and whiny. Because I am cranky and whiny, Blake gets annoyed with me and doesn't want to spend time with me. Because he doesn't want to spend time with me, I declare (or yell) that he doesn't love me anymore and that he can leave for Afghanistan at any time. See the pattern. Not fun stuff.

I'm an emotional roller coaster, and the smallest thing can set me off. Take for example last Friday night. My parents were coming into town that night, and I needed to go grocery shopping. After I got off work, I headed straight to the commissary. Blake had taken in his Jeep to get fixed, and while he was waiting, he went golfing with the guys. He was supposed to meet me at the commissary, but the jeep wasn't ready on time and golfing took longer than expected and blah, blah, blah. Long story short, he didn't get home until 7:30 and by that time, I was extremely mad. And why was I so mad? Because he didn't go grocery shopping with me. It was our last grocery trip before he left, and for some insane reason, I really wanted him to go with me. On the drive home from shopping, I ended up yelling excessively at him over the phone and then crying hysterically the second I hung up.

I know I am going to be shopping by myself for twelve freaking months and all I wanted was one last trip together. All in all, I was just upset and sort of disappointed. Normally, I could articulate this with no problem, but with there is something about a deployment that makes me insane and unable to say what I feel. Truth be told, I feel like I'm trying to push him away. Trying to brace myself for the upcoming twelve months. And really, there's not much that can prepare me for this.

All I can do is pray, and then continue living my life. Even though it feels like my world is going to end when he steps on that plane, it won't. It didn't last time, and it won't th is time. I'll adapt, I'll figure it out, and then I'll stuff my face.

Breakdowns

Wow-it's been a while. These past few weeks have been a little bit crazy. Blake and I are on vacation this week while my work is on Spring Break. We spent a few nights in Indiana with our families and our heading out in the morning for Gatlinburg with some friends. I've taken tests, done quizzes, and multiple projects and papers. This break is just what I needed. All with one exception. This is our last leave before he heads to Afghanistan.

It's freaking me out. It is too close. A copy of his orders are sitting on my coffee table, and in less than a month he will be 7,500 miles away. Getting ready for this deployment is much different than last time. Last time I was in complete denial. This time, I know it's coming. I know there is nothing I can do to stop it. All I can do is accept the fact, and spend as much time with him as possible.

But still. Even knowing this, there are moments where I just breakdown. I'm not an emotional person or a mushy one, but an impeding deployment makes you one of those mushy, emotional people whether you like it or not. I try to keep it together. Sometimes it's just not so easy.

And you have no idea when it is going to hit you. You could be sitting on the couch, laughing together and the next thing you know, you're ready to bawl your eyes out. Time is so fleeting, and it feels like everything we do is the last time we will get to do it. Everything becomes a sentimental moment-grocery shopping, brushing your teeth together, driving back home to Indiana, etc.

The truth is I'm scared. I'm not ready, and I never will be. There is never a good point in my life to take my husband to some far-away land for a year to 15 months and have people shoot at him. Everything about this scares me. I'm afraid we won't get to talk very often. I'm afraid our marriage is going to change because of it. I'm afraid he will come back different. I'm afraid of living by myself in Tennessee.

But there is no-one better qualified than my husband to help me through this. He is absolutely wonderful when I get to feeling this way. He reassures me and gets me back to my old self. And if it wasn't for him, I would not get out of bed and spend my day crying while I eat ice cream and watch sad, sappy love movies. So I'm thankful that I have him. And so is my body since I would be about 10x my size if I laid in bed and ate ice cream all day. So now I'm off to let him know how grateful I actually am to have him in my life. And if you have someone you love, you should let them know. It's not everyday we get the chance to tell them.

April 20th

The Army through a curve ball at us today. They gave us a date. A date that will change our life for a little while. I knew it was coming, but it seemed like a much easier pill to swallow when I just had a time frame. April 20th. The day my Husband deploys for the second time.

We have been through this before. Last time it was so simple. I was in my junior-senior year of college, living with great friends, and only an hour away from my family. This time it is completely different. I'm now living in a city where I know just a handful of people outside of work, and I am 285 miles away from my family. I am much more dependent on Blake now than I have ever been before. And now they are taking him away from me. For a whole flippin' year!

Everything will be different this time. EVERYTHING. I'll have to do it all on my own: pay the bills, take out the trash, do the laundry, grocery shop, clean the house, get the mail, load AND unload the dishwasher, and just about anything else that comes along with keeping up a household. I'm not ready. Blake does more than his fair share of work around here. We've split up our chores fairly equally, and he's actually pretty good about keeping up his part of the deal. I'm not ready to have to do it all.

And then there's the food thing. Blake cooks for me. I get home around 9 at night on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights. Blake always has dinner ready for me. (He's actually a really great chef.) Now, I am going to have to be responsible for feeding myself. I have a feeling I'm either going to starve to death, or I'll live off a diet consisting of McDonalds.

We have been married for a little over 7 months, but now I feel like we are getting ready to go back to day 1 in our marriage. We'll have to learn how to make a marriage work when we're 7,000+ miles apart. Our first year of marriage has not been too difficult. The first few weeks were a bit rocky while we learned how to adjust to each other, but after we had worked out the kinks, we really started to enjoy being married. Now we have to learn how to do marriage again. We have to learn how to communicate, how to be independent and dependent at the same time, how to trust when you have no clue what is going on in your spouses life, and the list continues.

To be honest, I am not looking forward to this period in our life. I talked the other day about enjoying each period of our life, but I'm having a hard time imagining how I'm going to enjoy this part of our life. Blake and I have always been able to be flexible in our relationship. That is what kept us together through all the difficult times in our relationship. I have no doubt that we will adapt to this situation, but I am just scared. Change always brings around a little bit of fear, and I am no different.

I don't want things to change. I want Blake to stay here. I want to be able to celebrate our 1st anniversary together. I'm trying to see the positives in this situation though. We get a unique opportunity to see our marriage take on a new role. Our relationship grew by leaps and bounds during his last deployment. I don't know if we would be where we are if it hadn't been for that last deployment. I got to watch Blake grow up, which is something he needed to do. We got engaged on his R&R, and decided to get married the following summer. That deployment shaped Blake into the man I was supposed to marry.

While I'm not to optimistic now, I know this deployment will change our marriage for the better. We will learn how to trust each other in a deeper way, our communication skills will be strengthened, and most importantly, we will learn how to truly appreciate each other. It's too easy to take someone for granted when they are standing right beside you. Relocate them to a war zone and you realize what you have and how blessed you are.

However, at this moment, I am not willing to accept these things. Right now, I just want to pout. I just want to be sad that I have to miss a year with my Husband. And that is OK. It's alright to be sad, to pout, to cry, and to be really mad about the situation. Sometimes you just need to be upset. But then, you need to get over it. Tomorrow I will get over it. I will accept the fact that life is changing for us. I will be positive about what is to come, and I will be grateful to have this opportunity to strengthen our marriage.

But not tonight. Tonight I need to be sad. Tonight I need to cuddle up with my Husband and whine. Tonight I need to be comforted. Because the truth is that I only have 6 weeks to be comforted. After that, it's just me. After that, I have to put on my big girl panties and deal with it. But not yet. So I'm off to be a baby and to whine as much I can.

And reality hits

These past couple of days have been...quite interesting to say the least. We are officially into the "pre-deployment" days. Blake is packing his bags and shipping containers to Afghanistan so they will be there when he arrives in a few, all-to-short months. While we still do not know an exact date, we know it will come around the end of April-beginning of May mark. And. I. Am. Not. Ready. I repeat. NOT. READY. AT. ALL.

The other day we got a card in the mail about life insurance. On him. Not me. At first I just set it down and didn't think too much about it. Then he began packing. And it hit me. Is this something we need? Am I seriously thinking about getting extra life insurance on my 22-year-old husband?

Unfortunately, I know all to well how fragile life is. My best friend died in a car wreck on a road he drove almost daily. While my now-husband was fighting a war in Iraq. It doesn't really matter where you are. However, a pending deployment to the Afghanistan-Pakistan border kind of makes you think twice about how fragile life really is.

And I hate it. I hate having to even entertain that thought. My husband is 22. He has children that he needs to make, family vacations to take, and anniversaries to celebrate. I hate deployments. I hate this point in the deployment process. I hate having to mentally prepare myself to be alone for a year, to figure out how to keep communication open when we're 7,000 miles apart, and mostly, I hate seeing him pack. Because packing always leads to leaving. And the only thing I hate more than packing is leaving. Goodbyes are not fun. Especially not deployment goodbyes.

And I hate thinking about the "what-if." What-ifs can ruin your life. However, they are necessary at times like this. These conversations about wills, life insurance, and funeral plans are, unfortunately, necessary. To be a military wife, you have to know how to prepare. And sadly, you have to be prepared for every possible situation. So how do you do it? You suck it up, tuck away your emotions, and have the conversation (without having a crazy emotional breakdown). And then you pray. Pray that you never, ever have to use that knowledge.

And for me? I hold onto-Eat, Sleep, and Breathe-Jeremiah 29:11. God has worked through us and our marriage to make us better people. He has given us blessings beyond compare and I know-I believe-that he is not done yet.



"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Home... and other adventures

So after last night's frustrating phone call, I was finally able to talk to my hubs. Turns out, the random woman had no clue what she was talking about and plans were back to normal. So at 1:45 am (they were early) I drag my happy butt out of bed, throw on some sweat pants, and head to post in Blake's Jeep.

Now, I have a love-hate relationship with this Jeep. I love it when there is lots of snow (such as this weekend) but I hate it every other day of the week. And I also hate driving on post...especially early in the morning. I have no clue which gate will be open, where to go, or how to get there. So I see that gate 4 is open (gate 7 is closest to my husband's company, but of course it was not open at 2 am). If you never have been on a military post, when you go through the gates they check your ID. You also have to turn off your lights before you come in so you don't blind the ID checker.

Enter another reason for me to dislike the Army. I remembered to turn off my lights, but it was 2 am which means that I was extremely tired and I can't see for anything. All I knew is that I needed to find Indiana Avenue. And then there were red and blue flashing lights. Thats right. Some MP (military police) had the nerve to pull me over! Didn't he know it was 2 am and I needed to pick up my husband who I hadn't seen in a month?!?!?! Noooo. Did he care? Noooo.

So after he asks for a thousand documents (license, registration, proof of insurance, and military ID), I ask him why I'm being pulled over. What had I done? I had forgotten to turn my lights back on after I went through the gate. Imagine that-I have no clue where I'm going, running on 3 hours of sleep, and I just want to get to my husband. No wonder I forgot. He ended up giving me a verbal warning after he called for back up (Yes, that's right. A second cop car pulls up with lights flashing. Seriously?).

Anyways, after all that he finally directed me to where I was supposed to be going and I successfully found my way to the company! Hurray! It's always a good day when I get where I'm going. So I arrived at 2:30. Just in time to wait forever (okay, it was only a half hour) to see him. Poor Blake. He was so excited to see me. And then my impatience sets in. I hate waiting. Especially at 2:30 am after I've been pulled over. Enter my impatient text messages:

-Are you close to being ready?
-I'm dying out here!
-I'm about to leave and go back to sleep.
-Do you think someone could bring you home?

That's right. It's all fun and exciting to have him home...until it's 3 am and I'm sleep deprived. But in all honesty, when we arrived at 5:30 am, my little apartment finally felt like home again. No more laying awake in bed thinking about all the gremlins and goblins that were going to get me in the middle of the night. (Yes, I am still afraid of the dark at 23. Don't judge.) I finally have my protector back. I just don't know what I am going to do in a few months when they decide to take him away again. Maybe he'll have a broken leg by then ;)

Frustration. The first lesson you learn when your a military wife is that the military is very, very frustrating. And here's why. They never stick to plans! Example A: My husband has spent the past month in Fort Polk, Louisiana for JRTC (aka Afghanistan training). For the past week, I have known that he is coming home Tuesday morning at 3 am. I have been counting down the hours, minutes, and even seconds. I am so ready for him to be home!

Enter the phone call I received an hour ago.

Random woman: "I just wanted to let you know that your husband will arrive at 3 am, and he will be released to you at 11 am."

Me: "11 am?!?!?!?! I was told I could pick him up at 3 am. What do they need him an extra 8 hours for? They just had him for a month!!!"

R.W. "I don't know ma'am, but you can see him at 11."

Enter frustration. Now I know what your thinking, it's only an extra 8 hours. BUT IT'S AN EXTRA FREAKING 8 HOURS!!! I don't know what happens to my emotions when there is a homecoming, but they seem to go haywire. Any change to the plan can throw me through a loop. It doesn't matter how long he has been gone, be it a three days, a week, a month, or a year. When you know they are coming home, you start to get excited. You can't wait. You're ready to get back to your normal routine.

But now my normal routine must get delayed by 8 hours. So I'm off to stuff my face with chips and french onion dip...my frustration relief food. Freaking Army.